Feedback Friday #2
Sean Lovelace: ‘A Sigh Is Just a Sigh’
This hooked into me initially because of how disorienting it was on the first read, and yet, how I smiled my way through that. It was a good sort of disorientation, a druggy sort of montage, like we all went to sleep with Casablanca on, and even that’s not fair because who likes it when their writing is referred to as “filmic”? Unless they are a filmmaker? Or maybe that’s just my issue.
But I love these sections, and I love how they are little snaps of a movie that has invaded a life, and how that just doesn’t work at all and all parties involved are getting desperate about it. I think I like the Bogart bit the best, because of the part about the industry standard, and the broken kneecap. I also like all of the cigarettes. People smoke more in fiction than they do anywhere else. We don’t talk about it but we should.
I wonder a bit about the ending. It’s neat, and also neat, and it begins well with all of these beautiful and apparently unnecessary details—Bisquick, croutons, Zinfandel. But it almost becomes too real in its unreal? Almost becomes a pilot episode. I could stand to be cut off at the knees here, to escape with a little less dialogue so I’m not able to ground myself in the circumstances quite as well. Like I said, I liked the disorientation. I like feeling bewildered in this story, I like feeling like oh—here are the things I recognize, this is Bogart’s voice I’m channeling, but why’s he in the house? Oh I don’t need to know, in fact. No one needs to explain that to me. Bogart’s in everyone’s house, once you invite him.
Although it’s very possible I’ve got my read on this wrong and I’m not as oriented as I think. HMM.
Anyway it’s very good, and Sean has other things you can read, which you should do. So.
