February 2012
5 posts
1 tag
January 2012
12 posts
It appears we did not as an Internet really talk about Crazy, Stupid, Love this summer because you guys have a lot to say about it! Let’s get serious for a second.
chiaraatik said: I also liked Emma Stone’s performance, but I walked out of this movie (the first movie I’ve walked...
Is this what you guys have been talking about all day?
Is that my stomach growling or the cat snoring?
Joni Mitchell, “Raised on Robbery.”
...
This year we decorated for Christmas. Got drunk and strung garlands from Command hooks on the wall. Wrapped wire-shot ribbons around our gas meter, lettered our names on small felt stockings. Put a Maine wreath on the door. My roommate arranged within it pine cones, on angles. “Shouldn’t they be straighter?” I slurred. “Or like, at the bottom?” She shook her head and...
For Halloween, were you Katniss?
No, but my 30th birthday I themed after “The Hunger Games” and I put District numbers up around. I put District 4 for water over the pool. I put District 2 for electronics over the stereo and iPod. I had a blow-up castle bouncy house on the front lawn and I put The Capitol over the bouncy house. And over my front door, I put District 12. All my...
December 2011
7 posts
Lessons Learned in 2011
fightwithknives:
Just like you didn’t see 27 Dresses when it came out, begin avoiding 95% of writing that uses personal pronouns, which means almost everything online. It doesn’t matter if it’s written by someone you’ve met in real life, or in a publication you’ve read any liked before. If it’s someone who claims “my ‘I’ gives me transparency,” they are playing football and you want to be...
1 tag
We are all very concerned about delivery systems. Systems of delivery. We are concerned that they will not accomplish their stated objectives. We are concerned that they will very much so accomplish their stated objectives. We are concerned that they are now dictating our personal objectives. We do not like what they are called. 1Z56704532AA76592340. Root. Jailbreak. Device users. A theater is the...
Got my own line of tea now bitches
Arnglish Barkfarst
Constantly Commenting
Lapsang Neeson
Earl Gray
Important Chai
Darfeelings
Cold
1 tag
Frankie and Johnny in the Clair de Lune, by...
Frankie: Can I have my hand back?
Johnny: Do you want it back?
Frankie: Well you want a sandwich, don't you?
Johnny: I want you to notice how we're connecting. My hand is flowing into yours. My eyes are trying to see inside yours.
Frankie: That's not connecting. That's holding and staring. Connecting is when the other person isn't even around and you could die from just thinking of them.
Johnny: That's missing. This is connecting.
Frankie: Yeah, well it ain't how a sandwich gets made.
Leslie's Advent Calendars
This morning I unwrapped my chintzy Trader Joe’s advent calendar, located the 1, and carefully pulled back the tiny cardboard door. Inside was a sliver of candy, chocolate in persuasion, stamped with some sort of festive adornment. An angel? A flower? Hard to say. This is the first advent calendar I have ever purchased for myself. Growing up there was always one on the mantel and my brother...
November 2011
6 posts
New York hides itself from you. No: most cities do this. But I live in this one so I can tell you firsthand about all the times something was going on just one, just two, just three blocks over and I didn’t know. Buildings shielding buildings, wind that doesn’t catch you until the cross-street. Sometimes something ripples. Sends canaries out, echolocation. You’re minding your own...
1 tag
1 tag
October 2011
5 posts
How did this thing begin where now my clothing labels are not labels at all but instead just printed words. I thought the printed word was dead? But it’s not, it’s in my underpants. So what are parents doing now, where are they marking the initials of their children. I remember reading in a book about a girl whose mother sewed special name labels into her clothes before this girl went...
2 tags
2 tags
September 2011
4 posts
I ordered a skirt. The skirt arrived and it was too large. I called the clothing company and I spoke to a man who seemed very nice but not particularly good at computers. I asked for the same skirt in a smaller size. He said, no problem. A week later a package arrived. I opened it up. It was a skirt. But it was not the skirt that I had ordered. Though it was the right size. And also the same...
I went to Coney Island. I wore sunscreen and a Yankees shirt, khaki shorts and a pair of sandals. I second-guessed none of these choices. If I still had a fanny pack I probably would have worn it. It’s practical, and there is no one I need to impress, and if there were someone to impress I would hope it would be a person who would be impressed by my sensible fashion choices and my practical,...
Ideas (Possibly Profitable)
pretty girl with glasses and short hair tap dancing to “Fuck and Run”
birthday card with beefcake photo and on the front it says “let’s go to bed” and inside it says “seriously you obviously need sleep”
Firefox extension to explain how much time you’ve wasted searching for free shipping coupons and how your time is...
August 2011
7 posts
Last night I went to Cirque de Soleil. I was by myself so let’s get that out of the way, I went to Cirque de Soleil by myself. A friend had a single free ticket and I’m single and free, so why not. I mean at first I thought no way and then I started talking to myself about it. Are you too good for Cirque de Soleil? Really? You are. You are too good for Cirque de Soleil. That must be...
i love "louie" and hope it thrives for a long... →
maura:
“all generalizations are bullshit.”—ms. exception that proves the rule
It is really something, the very fine line between how happy I feel when I read a piece in which someone expresses joy or delight or full-hearted affection for a thing, and how angry I get when I read a piece in which someone insists that a thing is the very best in category just now defined. I know I have said this...
WatchThey Might Be Giants, “Purple Toupee”
Mostly lately I have been using Spotify and all of its powers just to listen to Lincoln over and over. My copy has been missing since approximately 2004 and it’s not even that it’s missing it’s that what’s specifically missing is disc two of the two-disc set Then: The Early Years, so what am I supposed to do, here, what...
1 tag
I have a problem with Monet’s water lilies, which is, I just don’t like them very much. Which I guess is not a problem it is just what it is, but, here’s a story. Five summers ago I visited Paris for a few days, and I was alone, and not in a great place, and I went to a lot of museums and saw a lot of Picasso, like, a whole lot of fucking Picasso. And on that trip Picasso made an...
“To tell you the truth, I prefer just your average, run-of-the-mill, everyday jackass with his glass-eyed, slack-jawed obliviousness to the guys who try to hijack my cool by reading poetry and listening to halfway-good music. I worked hard for my cool. I got my ass kicked in middle school for my cool. I came by this shit honestly.”
—Will Grayson, Will Grayson
July 2011
10 posts
I think it might have been the clock radio DJ who got it in my head, between back-announcing and pattering off a list of late-night television guests, “It’s hot out there today. Take care of each other.” Which he might have not said exactly, maybe it was, “Look out for each other,” or “Keep an eye on one another,” or “Listen up because in the next...
So fare thee well, poor devil of a Sub-Sub, whose commentator I am. Thou belongest to that hopeless, sallow tribe which no wine of this world will ever warm; and for whom even Pale Sherry would be too rosy-strong; but with whom one sometimes loves to sit, and feel poor-devilish, too; and grow convivial upon tears; and say to them bluntly, with full eyes and empty glasses, and in not altogether...
On Saturday I went to the sub shop. It’s not a deli, I can’t call it a deli. It’s a sub shop. It has a pun in the name. It’s patronized by college students, mostly, and me. I like it better than the deli down the street, so, I have to honor it by saying, on Saturday I went to the sub shop. It was hot and I’d been walking. The door to the sub shop was open and inside...